What Doesn't Kill You Makes You Stronger

I've been working out a lot lately. I've been a runner for a while, but lately I've also been doing Insanity and Brazil Butt Lift (don't judge...those Brazilian butts are crazy). But this blog isn't about how much I've been working out. Running on the treadmill today, pouring sweat and listening to Kelly Clarkson's "What Doesn't Kill You Makes You Stronger", I started thinking about the past 6 years of my life and where I am today. Almost 6 years ago, I got pregnant with my first child. From then on, I went through a cycle of pregnant -> nursing -> pregnant -> nursing -> pregnant -> nursing. If you don't know me and/or you need help counting, I have 3 kids. I've been through hormonal ups and downs the likes of which only other crazy mothers could understand. I say "crazy", because, if you are one of those mothers who wakes up every morning refreshed and singing rainbows about the day to come, little squirrels and rabbits happily gathered around your Disney princess feet, then you probably have no idea what I'm talking about.

I've been hard on myself. I want perfection and I never get it. The thing is, though...a lot of the world kind of dismisses you when you have kids. Your kids need everything from you...and while they are really young you give them everything you have. My experience is that you are kind of empty for a while. You just pour it all out and then you take a look at what you're left with and you think, "Is this me? Is this who I am now?" People ask what you do and when you say, "I stay home with my kids" they get a glazed look in their eyes...a look that says, "Oh. So you have nothing interesting or intelligent to contribute to this conversation then. Dear God please don't let her start trying to show me pictures of her kids." Sometimes you get a head tilt and a patronizing, "Being a mom is the most important job in the world. *Dear God please don't let her start trying to show me pictures of her kids.*" Before you get all defensive...I know that not everyone who says that means it in a patronizing way. But, if you are a person who often says it...please think about how you say it. Do you mean it? Or are you just trying to say something to comfort me because you actually feel sorry for me? If it's the latter...just don't say it. Believe me, I can tell. Because, contrary to popular belief, having kids hasn't actually made me stupid.

Anyway- back to my original point. I've realized that, since having kids, I like a grueling workout. I used to HATE grueling workouts. But, pregnancy, childbirth, and motherhood have taught me many valuable lessons...one of which is that, by the grace of God, what doesn't kill you does indeed make you stronger. Pregnancy and childbirth are HARD. Being a parent is HARD. Every pregnancy and childbirth has proven to me that my body is STRONG. Things I thought I couldn't do...I can do. But the crazy thing is that a lot of the world doesn't see it that way. These things that build incredible strength in you somehow diminish you in the eyes of people who don't understand. And sometimes we believe them. Sometimes we tell ourselves the same story...that we don't matter...that we don't still have incredible potential...that, instead of raising amazing and talented children while still following our own passions, our lives are reduced to making peanut butter and jelly and playing peekaboo. And those things are not the truth. Yes we make peanut butter and jelly. But we also teach our kids compassion, grace, mercy, and justice. We meet the condescension of many who tout "masculinity" as the definition of courage, strength, and perseverance with...courage, strength, and perseverance. As a side note, I am so thankful for my husband who exhibits all of those qualities...and also doesn't feel the need to reduce me to a shadow of them.

I went through a time of feeling defined by the world around me. I went through a time of feeling defined by a distorted view of myself. Thank you God that what doesn't kill you makes you stronger. I'm not all the way there yet...but I'm still just at the starting line. And I follow a God who makes all things possible.