I'm nearing the end of nursing Eli (oh thank you Lord) and I'm just trying to wean him slowly like you're supposed to do (even though I want to just give up right now, today). Some people just love breastfeeding and look back on it fondly for the rest of their lives. That's totally fine and I really respect those people. But I am not one of them. It doesn't make me absolutely miserable or anything...I'm just really ready to have my body back to myself. Over the past 5 years, I have been pregnant or nursing for all but 3 of those months. It might sound super selfish to want to be done nursing...but that is how I feel. So I am down to only feeding Eli twice a day (once in the morning, and once before bed at night). Over the next 4 weeks I will finish completely (and Eli will be turning 1!!) My body just doesn't completely go back to normal until I have completely weaned. It's not like that for everyone, but I have definitely noticed that trend in myself.
Anyway- yay for being almost done!! And just in time for my 30th birthday (on Aug. 22)! Thirty is such a weird number in my brain. I've always had an idea of what 30 would look like...and it certainly is not what I was thinking. I just don't really feel grown up like 30 seems to represent. I mean...in a lot of ways...my life is very "grown up." But I'm not one of those people who frown on joking about bodily functions, I don't feel like it's time to start wearing mom jeans, I absolutely frown on the idea that "you're a mom now so you should...(not care about how you look...not joke this way...etc...fill in the blank)." In fact, Chad and I have a really silly sense of humor, I make up songs about food, sometimes I imagine screaming cuss words at inappropriate times, sometimes I imagine doing a one-man flash mob dance in the middle of Target, and sometimes I let my kids wear their pjs all day and then go to bed in them again. And I sing love songs to my kitchen aid mixer. I'm not saying that 30 has to look like all of those negative things I mentioned (I know it doesn't...cause I know plenty of people who have turned 30), I'm just saying I had a picture in my mind from when I was a teenager...and that picture does not match up with reality. Ah...I mean, I think maybe I'm just never going to really "feel" grown up or old like I think it's supposed to feel. I have a feeling that, when I turn 40, I'm still going to be making up songs about food and imagining screaming cuss words at inappropriate times. And I hope I still won't be wearing mom jeans. I think Chad and I will still be having a blast jumping on trampolines at sky zone and laughing about "immature things" and I still won't feel grown up. It's cool...I'm sure my kids will think I'm old.
No comments:
Post a Comment